THE DOCTOR BLOGGER: Recent Comments

Comment on Doctor Blog--The American Red Cross

2008-12-18T11:15:59Z

We can assume the popularity of the redcoss just after knowing the fact that even the small children know about this great organization.

Comment on Doctor Blog--The American Red Cross

2008-10-30T06:20:08Z

Red cross has become popular. nice article

Comment on Doctor Blog--Quote for a Lifetime

2008-06-15T01:50:23Z

Rima,

That is so true! I love the picture!

Tammy

Comment on Doctor Blog--The American Red Cross

2008-06-13T06:33:01Z

Hi

The American red cross is a great departmet in this time in the world.

Comment on Doctor Blog--Can We Blame The Parents?--Part II

2008-04-29T22:19:57Z

Did you hear of this?

"A man who allegedly hid his daughter in a cellar for 24 years and fathered six children by her has been arrested by police in Austria.

The 73-year-old, known only as Josef F, was arrested on suspicion of incest and keeping his daughter in captivity.

The woman is believed to have been missing since 1984 and is now 42..."

http://www.lep.co.uk/weirdnews/Austrian-39hid-daughter-in-cellar39.4024720.jp

Comment on Doctor Blog--Medical Insurance for Profit

2008-04-25T04:00:35Z

I've always found it quite annoying that there are insurance companies out there that will pay for Viagra, but not birth control pills. Somewhat sexist, don't you think?

Comment on Doctor Blog--Can We Blame The Parents?--Part II

2008-03-19T15:06:40Z

To Follow is one of my favorite comments because Y. talks honestly about who he is, why this topic is important to him, and what his perspective comes from. Additionally, he spent some time doing statistical research about the subject and included it at the end of his comment. I so appreciate every reader and each comment. It enriches the discussion and makes it human and reachable. RBMD

Thanks a lot Dr. Rima for your great effort.

Talking from the point of view of a guy in the middle between childhood and parenthood, I remember a lot of my parents' mistakes, teachers' abuse, relatives' mistakes, terrible atmosphere at school, etc of which had a missive impact on my beliefs, personality, psych, and the way that I deal with social problems. Whether these effects were +ve on -ve I do not know. But with no doubt it did effect me big time.

Now tomorrow, when Its my turn to show the world my parenting skills, will I screw up because of my own childhood? or will I do a good job because of what I went through?

So, Can We Blame the Parents? I will say: YES. Every individual should be held responsible for his actions. I know you had a tough and mis fortunate childhood, you took care of your self, you didn't receive the care, attention, and education that you deserved. I know you were once a victim. But that is not an excuse to slip out of your responsibilities towards your own children and community.

One thing that will make this a little more complicated is the defense mechanism that behavioral scientists call "Identification"; unconsciously pattering one's behavior after that of someone who is more powerful; where a man who was physically abused as a child abuses his own children. I guess we should look out for that also!

Regarding whether the church, school, ..., should have a roll here, of course they should.

When Dr. Rima started the talk with divorce as a major factor contributing to poor parenting skills I under estimated its significance. To my amazement I recently read some statistics that reinforce her point. I read that "Close to 50% of all American marriages end in divorce" I must say that is a huge number!

Here are other facts that I found:
- Children who were sexually or physically abused are more likely to become violent adults.
- At least 250,000 cases of child abuse are reported annually, in the US.
- Approximately 25% of all girls and 12% of all boys report sexual abuse at some point during their lives.
- About 1 million US teenagers become pregnant each year: 50% have the child : 33% have elective abortion : the remainder are spontaneously aborted.
- Consequences of teenage pregnancy, For the mother: leading cause of school drop out. For child: possible lower level of intellectual functioning and increased risk of delinquency and suicide).

Till next time, take care.

Comment on Doctor Blog--Can We Blame The Parents?--Part II

2008-03-17T00:13:58Z

I like your solution. Parenting is something that should receive local support. It would be a great help if churches put more emphasis on right parenting and what a good thing it is. I am living proof that divorce is not the only thing that can make for poor parenting, so I agree with you there. I was raised in church and am somewhat baffled that my parents never received any instruction on doing a better job with their parenting. I have encountered several churches where adults tend to blame the children for their bad behavior instead of holding the parents accountable (granted sometimes kids can be very irresponsible and parents can be too generous, but that's another problem). I just don't think a lot of people see children as anything more than a nuisance. It probably stems from people being selfish, not getting the help they needed and having a sense of entitlement instead of a willingness to help others.

Comment on Doctor Blog--Can We Blame The Parents?--Part II

2008-03-16T03:56:45Z

brenda - i agree, it's very difficult to blame all your problems on divorce. in my relatively limited experience, i've come to think it's the warring between the parents, not the divorce, that causes the trauma - some divorces are painless, and some are a kind of cauterizing of that endless fighting; it's crude to tar them all with the same childhood-ruined brush, as i see so many older people doing.

i'd object to you both, rima and brenda, on one count though - rima, the church is not a place of education so much as one of indoctrination, as you can only be educated on that which is known to exist in the first place. i have never been to a church in my life and i resent the implication that my education has somehow been damaged by a lack of Christians in it. equally, brenda, please don't think that a parent who doesn't teach their children to believe in gods is a bad one or worse than a religious one, as that's truly not the case.

let the discussion commence!

L

L,
Thanx for your comment. However, let me point out two things. If you read carefully, you will note a very careful disclaimer about the role of divorce. Divorce was the starting point for the discussion and the discussion was not intended to make divorce the cause of all ills.
The two part article was intended to highlight a problem (and it is a problem) that has come to be completely ignored--the fact that
having separate homes between mom and dad can create problems for the kids. My intent is to focus on those problems and alert
as many people as possible of the things that can be done to minimize those problems.

Additionally, if you re-read my last paragraphs you will note that I specifically say that the relevance of institutions (whether churches,
schools, or hospitals) ought to be measured by their service to community. In other words, whether or not the community is part
of the "doctrine" of a particular institution should not determine whether the institution is of service. Put another way, whether you
believe in what an institution preaches, institutions are gathering places. There are buildings and support staff already in place. Why
not use them (provided these institutions wish to continue to be relevant) as conduits of information (not indoctrination as you have
understood).

Thanx for your perspective. This discussion should prove interesting...........
RBishara

Comment on Doctor Blog--Can We Blame The Parents?--Part II

2008-03-16T00:50:17Z

Ok, you have me on the soapbox now! Is poor parenting to blame for many of the problems we see today - teenage pregnancy, teenagers getting into drugs, alcohol, etc. - you bet! Entitlement has become a multi-generational concept. As a three-time PTA president of a local public school, and a two time representative of a district council of PTAs, I can say that I have come into contact with a lot of kids, teachers, and parents. Some of the poorest parenting I've seen belonged to upper-income families; some of the best to families who were the poorest of the poor. I read in research that problems in families tend to repeat themselves - abuse begets abuse, if you will. Maybe I'm hard-hearted, but I think it's still all about the choices! For example, take a classroom of 25 children in a city school district - there is a clear expectation of a standard of behavior for all 25 children; a majority may go home to households where beer, not milk is in the icebox, and cigarettes are bought before groceries. But - for 8 hours a day they are exposed to an expectation of good behavior - enough to know that there is another way to live than what they go home to. My mom grew up in a home with little love, an abusive mother, no appreciation for music, art,etc. and you know what? She learned what she DIDN'T want, and was a better parent for it. My parents divorced when I was 8, and while I didn't appreciate it at the time, I know I am twice the person I would have been had she not divorced my dad - it was a good thing. I believe with all my heart that my daughter is well-adjusted because I took her out of a home where the father was habitual in his substance abuse and his lack of coping skills. The daughter of one of my best friends blames all her mis-behavior on her mother's divorce, and I say HOGWASH! Again, and again, and again, I will say, I don't care WHY you did something, I care THAT you did it! It's always about the choices. Thanks to my mom for raising a family of strong women! We were the poorest of the poor, but she taught us about God, how to think, and the importance of making choices and the consequences of poor ones. So, yeah, parenting matters, but in the end, it's about the choices we make.